Random Rant

May peace be upon us all, :)

(sini)

Today is the first day of Ramadhan for 1437 Hijri. I'm at my kampung rn, and I'm gonna let this post be casual, jumbling malay and english whatever.

Imperfection beneath every perfection. 

Aku tak tau apa aku nak cakap sekarang, selalunya aku ada banyak benda nak cakap, tapi malas nak type, elalunya macam tu la, tapi kalau kat instagram, aku bantai je tulis pepanjang pun, pastu aku copy paste kat sini wahahaha

okay, I just finish my final exam, 3 or 4 days ago? Im thinking of changing my major, I'm in accounting department currently, I'm planning to jump into Islamic finance, one thing about my Uni, we separate both accounting and finance, it supposed come together if I"m not mistaken. but what bother my mind is, 

1. am I at the right place?
2. should I change my major?
3. will I be happy if I do?
4. what if I make the wrong the decision?
5. what if -if stay in my current major- I fail?

I guess I'll just wait for this semester result, but I'm pretty confident I have to repeat my CM. *cry*

Okay, that's all about my study, I think.

So, one day, while taking a break after studying for final, I was scrolling instagram, my own gallery, and then I started to realize, what a boring person I was before (still am a boring person). You know what? I post picture everyday kot dulu, every single thing that happened, I post about them, E V E R Y D A Y ! ! ! omg! I was thinking (masa dok scroll ig tu) what's wrong with you girl? definitely something is wrong with you, apa yang kau nak orang tengok sebenarnya? I post about family, friends, my achievement, everything I do (yang pada masa tu aku fikir macam coolio gila, what the heck?)

aku rasa masa tu aku nak tunjuk kat orang,

'hey look I'm so kewl!',
'my family is super perfect unlike yours',
'my friends are cool! we are BBF untill jannah,'
'I'm happy with my life,',
'life is great, never better than anybody'

Tbh, it is not, I start hating what Im doing, for lying to myself, for being fake in socmeds, for not being me,I've met peeps that facing the same situation with, be it they realize it  or not, and I'm sick of this group of people, I'm sick of me...

I know why we do this, I know why we fake it all, because we want people to accept us, We want people to think of us as a perfect human being, we've been hiding this facade for as long as we've been exposed to this fake world, so now aku dah tak paham aku cakap pasal apa,

Tapi pointnya, I'm fake, and I hate myself. urghhh! Kalau rajin aku edit balik.

See ya next time!*kalau rajin*

Till then, salam..